Happy (?) New Year...

I've spent my new years eve in Fårösund with Jeannie and old high school  friends. It was a good night, but I must say the highlight was when I skyped everyone in England!! How I miss them all <3

I'm home and in bed now, but instead of looking forward to the new year I'm getting all depressed knoing I wont spend it in England so I'm dealing with the problem. Looking up jobs and flats. I'm not sure if I can afford living on my own though, but nothing is impossible. Anyone who wants to share a flat??

I'm just gonna sort my teeth out and then I will go back to England. I am not happy here the way I was in England!

Oh well, this blog is getting well depressing... so HAPPY NEW YEAR!

XXXX (ENGLISH JO)

It's only as hard as I make it...

Just got home from a girlie night. Lots of catching up and gossip. We have all changed so much, to the better of course. Gotten more slutty, wild, and talkative haha. I'm loving it. This is the best distraction ever!

Today I went into town to have a coffe with Anna and Olivia, my friends from college. <it was fun seing them again. Later on I went to apply for jobs. Had a little cry with my work coach. Well I cried, she told me I should do what feels right and if I want to go back to England I should, sha can help me get a job there as well.

What I need to do first is to unpack though. I'm living in denial. It feels like if I'm unpacking it's over for real, there's no return. That is frightening!
After I've done that I'm going to book a flight ticket back to England. Who knows, it might only be a one way ticket.....
Because I can't live like I'm trying to do now- in two countries at the same time. That is just wishful thinking and it tears me apart.

Before I start to cry again I'm going to bed...

( if you want to listen to some good musci; Secondhand Serenade!)

Night xx

I've started to wonder if it was just a dream...

( I wrote this yesterday, but for some reason it didn't get published...)

I've been back in Sweden 33 hours and 17 minutes now and I'm already feeling home sick, England sick.
Earlier when I watched Tv with my family I started to cry for no reason other than I realized whatI will miss. What I already miss; Sitting in the pub, having a chilled beer, the banter, the abuse, the PEOPLE,well even Tom's frapes...
I've already started to look at flights back for February so I have something to look forward to.

When I woke up this morning in my bed, it hit me that nothing here has changed, not even the slightest except from me. I have changed, a lot.
i started thinking of my future and realized I can't see myself living anywhere else but in England, surrounded by the people I love, surrounded by the people who's been there for me when I needed it the most.  I do want to get a degree, but I can't stand the thought of going to university in Sweden for 3 years, not knowing if and when I will see everyone again.

My last week in England was the best and worst for many reasons and the thought of not knowing when I will be that happy again makes me sad.
It seems like everything I do is crying. When I listen to music I cry, because it reminds me of England or someone from England. It's the same with English Tv series.
I start to cry the minute someone asks me questions about  England, or I excuse myself go in to the bathroom and then cry so I can come out and pretend everything is fine, that I am fine. I'm fucking not fine, and know I won't be until I'm back to English Jo again. I don't wanna be Swedish Josefin. I wanna be English Jo.

As I'm writing this tears comes streaming down my cheeks. Every teardrop seems like a waterfall.
i'm trying to distract myself from thinking of everything, to go numb by seeing my Swedish friends and family whom I, of course, have been missing a lot but I knew always were going to be here for me when I returned.

Home is where the heart is, and I  left mine on Lion Lane 52, Haslemere, Surrey, England!

En önskan.

Vi båda såg den. Den fallande stjärnan.

Vi önskade oss något och var väldigt hemlighetsfulla.

Jag tror att du visste vad jag önskade mig,

 för min önskan slog in ett par dagar senare.

Tack! 

Jag kommer att sakna dig och jag kommer påminna dig om det varje dag, tills nästa gång vi ses. Min underbara vän <3

38 hours to go

It's been a while since I blogged last time.  I've simply been really busy.
been out everyday this week. Monday, said bye to Maddie. Tuesday, uhm cont remember but probably pub. Wednesday-Pub, Thursday I went to Guildford with Tom  for some Christmas shopping, then pub. Friday a really good friday in the pub. Christmas eve- Pub, Christmas day, had a lovely Christmas dinner with the family and my lovely extra nan, Nanny Jane. then I saw Tom in the evening and  we met up with Craig for a beer.

It was one of the best Christmas days in a long while.

I've spent today playing Nazi Zombies with Cam, Tessa and Nick and packed. 2 big suitcases + a big moving box which im leaving here and will pick up next time I come to England. which is fairly soon I hope!

Soon I'm back in Sweden and I know it's gonna be shit. really shit. Because I would much rather be here.

bye xxx

The end of the beginning

It seems like there are finally no more tears to cry.

I've now said bye to Kasa, Inka, Maddie, Lottie, Connor, Oliver, Ian and Michelle. How much more can I take?

Woke up this morning with migraine and a swollen face. Somehow I managed to convince myself  I was out of tears. Then it all started again. My head is pounding, my face is hurting and I've got a temperature.

Off to cure myself with a beer down the pub.

xxxxx

stressar

Jag sover inte klokt på nätterna för att jag är så stressad. Ligger och grubblar på hur jag ska få allt att gå runt att jag inte kan sova. Som nu till exempel- har huvudvärk för att jag sov 3 timmar förra natten, kan jag somna nu? nej för allt går på högvarv. Jag tappar hår, har mörka ringar under ögonen, har ingen aptit. All min energi går åt till att försöka få allt att gå runt.
 Om jag bara kunde skriva klart jävla universitets skiten också....... det skulle vara en stor lättnad.
Glömde jag nämna att jag även jobbar som ett djur, hos massa olika familjer  för att försöka få ihop pengar till allt?!

Saker som jag måste fixa;

Julklappar
Göra mig av med mobilen
Avsluta bankkontot
räkningar hit och dit
posta hem saker
uni uppgifter

allt som allt ligger jag hur mkt back som helst. och jag åker om 14 dagar.


d ö d a    m i g....N U

HAPPY

Lisa and I are gonna celebrate Christmas together on skype!!!

Also I'm alone on boxing day, because kids are at David's and Sara is going to Bournemouth to see her friend Hilary, but to be honest, it couldnt be better timing. Then I can concentrate on packing etc...

If only I could stop watching 2 Broke Girls and 2 and a half men and go to bed instead.......


Night x

There's a lack of...

* Ambition
* Motivation
* Love
* Money
* Sleep


On the Positive side:

* Bought myself a blue little car
* I've got the best friends in the world
* I'm getting better at Xbox
* I spent yesterday socializing with the elite of Haslemere ( only for 5 mins) at Lotties Christmas party
* Watched The Xfactor final on a MASSIVE  Tv with surround sound
* Friday is coming closer. Looking forward a lot for many different reasons
* Skype exists and makes it possible to speak to someone no matter where they are.


Now its only four days left until Tom is back, 12 days until my swedish christmas, 13 days until english christmas :).....
and yeah, 16 days until I'm leaving England! :(

You can also follow me on Twitter @josefintomtlund
xxxx

Utan dig är jag inte hel. 18 dagar kvar

The past six years

I feel so english right now....

What a night it was last night....  I had the chance to go and see ED sheeran and Example and get free VIP backstage passes to the Brixton academy venue in London because Tom is touring with Example and Fenech Soler at the moment.. So I started calling around to EVERYONE, but they all had something to do...and when I decided to go alone I realized I wouldn't make it on time.  FML!!!!!!!

Instead I went to spoons, got absolutely shitfaced and in the end kicked out... oh well. It wsa meant to happen sooneror later anyway.

Now im going to sleep this hangover away!

byeee

georgesimpson.com

George Simpson, this is for you, just for you!

I met you on a Thursday, early september. You came around my house with Kajsa and was one of the first persons I met when I got here. Later the same day we all went to Guildford, spoons and to Britannia. You were the one who came up with the nickname JayZ for me.  You drove us all home from the train station that night, all of us laying in the back of your  pride, your beauty- The Caddy.

I especially remember the times when we went out, blowing up shit with Ed, you and the boys were running around on the field  with fireworks pretending you were Harry Potter, How you and I played Für Elise on "nose flute" outside spoons, just like Sponge Bob. I remember how you, Josh, Inka and I tried to sing Sweet child of mine and you never learned your part.
I will always remember my Christmas 2010, when you and Josh cooked me a Swedish meatball meal when I got snowed in and couldn't go back to Sweden
How you and I were ( well, still are) the Gossip Girls. I remember when Inka and I went to London to see yours and Kajsa's flat and you played mini-golf like Tiger Woods at the O2 arena. I will forever remember all the crazy nights we've had in spoons. Well that was a bit of a lie, for natural reasons I cannot remember ALL of them, but most of them anyhow. I will remember how Fanny and I met you, Kajsa, Josh and Inka in Greenwich park in May, and went to the deer enclosure,  how inka and I managed to drive IN LONDON when we went to see Britney Spears and we actually managed to get to your flat with your directions. Not sure what impresses me most, my driving skills or the fact that your directions were correct.

 Boy you, boy you, boy you, boy you, boy you look familiar where do I know you from, have you been to visit me @josie. tomtlund.com?

Dear George you will be forever remembered!

 

Love,
JayZ xxxx

All that is left is the hurt

I've found someone who understands, someone who can put words on my feeling. My feelings can be described as a pain, in the centre of my stomach, just below my ribs. It's like bad hunger, but not for food.

All the pain and bad that are imprisoned in me,
All the memories I carry,
All the feelings no one can see,
All the feelings I'm trying to bury.

The feelings of loss,
The feelings of being forgotten,
The feelings of  missing out on the goss,
These feelings sucks and feels pretty rotten.

I brist på annat...

att krama om, kramar jag nu min varmvattenflaska. Det är ganska kyligt ute om man jämför med hur det var, bara för några dagar sedan.

Om exact 3 veckor sitter jag på flyget till Stockholm och Sverige,det känns lite vemodigt om jag ska vara helt ärlig. Å andra sidan så kanske det är lika bra att starta det nya året på Gotland och börja om på nytt?

Nu får det vara slut på det här ältandet, jag måste börja ta tag i saker och ting istället.
Vad sags om att börja med att färga om mitt hår, som dom senaste dagarna har fått en lite matt ORANGE färg. Det måste åtgärdas med omedelbar verkan.
Jag måste även betala mobilräkning och börja köpa julklappar..!
Jag måste även släppa taget om mobilen och sluta hoppas på att få sms av dig, när jag klart och tydligt sa att jag tyckte det var bäst om vi inte pratar alls tills du kommer hem. jag är en sån idiot, så korkad och självklart ångrar jag det nu, men är alldeles för stolt att komma krypandes tillbaka.


puss

Jo goes Cruella

Mission possible.

I've cleaned my car today, finally. I found 3 pairs of shoes, 4 coats, loads of tshirts and other stuff. I always complain I don't have anything to wear.... so mission accomplished.  Now, on the other hand, I'm on a mission impossible. I'm tidying my bedroom and started sorting out clothes to give away to charity when i leave etc. I realized that with my enormous suitcase and handluggage the clothes aren't the worry. It's all my stuff, just shitty things I cannot bin because of the memories. It's the stuff that is going to take up all the space. Oh well, guess I have to see how much it is when everything is packed.

Yesterday I said my first goodbye, to the first person I met in England. Kajsa is going home to sweden so I won't see her before I leave. I cried, she cried, and when I got back home I got really sentimental and cried the whole evening.

Because of the whole being really emotional- situation I was a real horrible to one of my best friends.  I know he is always there to listen, we joke about him being my therapist, and he means so much to me, yet I was the worst of friends to him yesterday. I take it all back, nothing I said did I mean. I'm sorry!!!

Cruella Deville

Oh last night.. what is there to say, drank too much, got carried home, chundered, giggled with maddie all night, woke up, felt well rough!

Tonight, it's party again. It's Tessas birthday so we are celebrating it fancy dress style. the theme is "film characters". I'm going as Cruella Deville. Black fur coat, big pearly necklace, black dress, heels, black and white hair and a Tally's little dalmatian! Perfect. It also hit me a second ago... blatantly because I'm hanging off my tits that Cruella- CRUEL, Deville- DEVIL. So she is a cruel devil, perfect character for me!

I'm off, Inka babe is here soon! :D

xxx

25 days, 18 hour and 32 minutes....

Until I'm back on Swedish grounds again..... I seriously don't want to, but hey hoe what can I do about it!?

I'm blatantly going out for a massive piss up tonight, to get it off my mind.

I also want you back, but not the person you've become, I wan't the old you back!

YOU DICKHEAD!

This is Tallulah's new favourite word.....she has spent a lot of time in the pantry lately.

Freddie's new word is NOBHEAD, so he spends quite a lot of time on the naughty step....

The phrase I have been using the most lately is " ENOUGH! YOU BOTH STOP IT NOW!"

Fucking kids...

BAD hostmother and BAD au pair!!!

Sara and I felt like being a bit adventurous yesterday so we planned a spontaneous surprise for the kids. At 5 o'clock when it was pitch black outside we all got in the car and drove up to Gibbert hill. The kids were shaking and refused to out of the car, but on the other hand dint want to be left alone there either. So we all walked, holding hands to the Gibbert. That is the place where they used to hang highwaymen back in the days. The kids were so scared and Sara and I were really excited. When we got up there, the view was just amazing. You can see all the way to London. You can see London eye and The arch of Wembely.

After we were done scaring the kids with storied we went to Grayshott, bought ourselves some Fish&chips  as a treat. I'm not gonna lie, that was the best F&C I've ever had!

 God know's what's happening in these surroundings by night....


xxx

Varför berätta en sån sak?

Jag vet att jag i stort sätt bad om det för att jag hoppades att svaret skulle vara raka motsatsen. Visste dock innerst inne att svaret jag skulle få var svaret jag fick.
  Finns jag bara här för att massera ditt ego? Du bryr dig inte så mycket som du ger sken av. Kanske är det här bara slöseri medtid, kanske är det här det bästa som kunde hända, att du åkte iväg nu och jag åker iväg om 28 dagar. Douchebag!!

The end of an era

I still remember how nervous I was 29th of August 2010. It was around 7 in the morning and I was just about to board the airplane which was going to take me to England. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I was so nervous, and had so many questions in my head. What does the family look like? What if i can't find them at the airport? What if  this is the biggest mistake of my life?

It wasn't, it was the is the best thing I have ever done. How can I possibly forget?, Kajsa and George came around my house my 4th day in England and asked if I wanted to come with them and a few others to Guildford and that was the start of everything. Since that Thursday, I have not spent many evenings in with the family, which I'm also feeling a bit guilty about.

How can I forget how Inka, Josh, Kajsa and I went down to Southampton my 3rd week, on a monday to surprise George and Nathan- We ended up going clubbing  and got back 3.30 in the morning. I had to be up at 7 working.
How can i forget all the crazy fridays in spoons, when i met everyone for the first time, though I cant remember everyone's entry in my life.. I simply blame it on the many roller coaster nights I've had.

I am going to miss you all SO much, you have know idea.

Yours always,
Jo/Jay-z/Josie/ Josefin xxxxxxxx

In the end everything will be okay, if it's not okay it is not the end...

Lisa has left me once again, but this time was the worst  goodbye I have ever said to anyone so far... Last time she left we both knew I was still going to be here when she came back, this time it's different, this time I won't be here.
I did my best not to cry infront of you when we said goodbye there at the train station, I tried to go all numb and show no emotions, I broke down when I got into the car.I cried the whole last night because  not only did I have to say Bye to you Lisa, I also started to think about what it is going to be like saying bye to everyone else,not knowing if I will ever see them again. I will, I have to!

In the middle of everything I got a text demanding me to miss You. You don't have to demand, I've done it since the day you left and when you wrote -wait till my goodbye...- I just couldn't stand it.  You don't understand do you?
I am trying to deal with my uni essays but I can't find motivation anywhere so instead I'm chocolate binging and listening to Mumford&sons.

You are the one who makes me do crazy things- Wear a 6 year old girls tshirt out in public because it happened to be in my car, drive and sing my head off, eat fatty foods in a carpark, and last but not east ignite the BBQ (which you and I built) with hair mousse!  Lisa Anders, don't you dare walk out of my life!! <3

Oh Johnny, la gente està muy loca!

This weekend has been filled with partying, road trips, pub, 2minutes off roading and very foul moods.

Everyone went to Guildford on friday. The thing is that we were supposed to go to Casino where one of the guys from the rizzlekicks was DJ'ing but the queue was awfully long, so we decided to stay in spoons and dance.

Saturday, I was still drunk when I woke up and felt like a living dead. Lisa,Michelle and I decided to go and get Chinese takeaway, best thing ever the day after. Pub in the evening, and I was in the foulest of moods. Thanks to a certain someone who is messing about because he know it winds me up. It's all fine now, thankfully. Don't know if I could cope not being friends now, not when I'm leaving soon.

Yesterday, I refused to take Lisa to Guildford, because sometimes I'm just a bitch. So we went to Midhurst with Maddie and walked down a field where they do horse racing in summerand if you walk a bit further they'vegot a castle. It was a nice autumny walk! They we tried to go offroading with Pete, but he got stuck in clay after 2 minutes. He blamed it on us girls in the backseat, said we weigh too much...

 In the evening we went to The Prince of Wales, for a drink. How I'm going to miss this when i go home. I dont really want to think about it.... but it's hard.

This made me cry last night


xxx

An emotionally disabled person?

Went down to the pub with my germans- Michelle & Lisa. What was supposed to be a girlie evening with gossip,catching up and party planning turned out to be something deeper than that. Jamie and Ash sat down and joined us at our table. I've met Ash before, he is 39 and a really nice bloke and Jamie is his friend also really sweet so there is nothing weird and inappropriate going on. We talked about everything, literally from politics, films to relationships and emotions. The fact that they are older and men, gave me a total new way of looking at things. They both agreed at the end of the night that I am emotionally disabled though... Which, considering what a total unstable wreck I've been lately, I totally agree with.
They told me what I have already told myself and said I must allow myself to feel things.  If I don't feel anything I wont learn anything. I agree.

Finished off the night, standing in a junction listening to Adele's "hiding my heart away" with Michelle and Lisa. We are a bunch of sad fuckers haha

Changing subject completely now- Tomorrow is FNG and we are going to book taxis and buy booze. We are going to party it up- Au Pair style! looking forward a lot.

Better going to bed now, so sleep well I guess and I'll probably going to pop in here tomorrow to write a few lines.

Night x

GiLALALALALAR läget!

Att fåbetalt på en torsdag istället för fredag är inte helt fyskam!
Att det också skulle visa sig att den som väntar på något gott aldrig väntar för länge är inte heller fyskam.

Något som dock inte känns fullt lika bra är att jag spammar sönder bloggen!

Det går bra nu!

B abe I n T otal C ontrol of H erself!

winning

Chocolate mufty-day.....

Seriously Shottermill?!
Basically, the kids are having a chocolate mufty day in school today. It means they can wear any clothes they like and they have to bring chocolate for their teachers.  BRING CHOCOLATES FOR THEIR TEACHERS SO THEY CAN WEAR ANY CLOTHES THEY LIKE!?!?
Last week they had a Dotty- Mufty. They had to wear dots etc. These mufty days are driving me crazy because they always have to bring different things, chocolate, vegetables, healthy snack or money. ALWAYS something they have to bring.

I think they should do an Au-Pair-Mufty Day. I want;
- A Ferrari car.
- A private jet.
- A fit sugardaddy.
- A lot of money.
- A Holiday.

So pretty please kids, just blag these stuff off your parents and give it to me and you can wear any clothes you like!

Many thanks,
Jo,
 a very appreciative Au Pair!

My Lisa BIATCH is back in town!!!

my three fave songs at the moment

Love how Rupert Grint, who is  a good friend of Ed  Sheeran, is lip syncing. They do look really alike!

xx

Dreamcatch me when I fall

I just woke up, it's 2 o'clock. Basically I went straight back to bed after getting the kids off to school and managed to sleep for five hours.  This is probably where my bad sleeping habit starts. Because I'm sleeping so much during the day I can fall asleep at night, and that messes up the whole sleeping pattern.

Anyhow, I had this crazy, crazy dream about loads of different things.
The first bit was just the normal stuff I've dreamed about for the last months and all of a sudden the picture changes. I'm putting this man in a water bottle,putting the lid on and then seting the bottle on fire. I'm walking away from there like nothing has happened. All of a sudden I hear this man shouting out my name, so I rush back there, put out the fire, and open the bottle.
The man (who's face I don't recognize) was in chock and said he was sorry for all the pain he has caused me. ( This man is of the size of a water bottle, I'm normal sized)
It hit me afterwards when I spoke to the man, he was the answer to all my pain.

I wonder if that's is a sign. I know I'm sounding like a weirdo, but that gave me many answers.

I actually think Im going crazy!!!

dygnsrytm...

...Vart tog du vägen?! Att gå och lägga sig klockan 2 på natten och sen upp klockan 7 igen är ohållbart. Idag skall jag tvinga mig själv att stänga av datorn och gå i sängs kl 10.

Also, att ett litet sms kunde göra att jag började gråta igen. Det stog kort och gott; " Hoppas att du mår bättre idag. Sköt om dig!! X"
Alltid lyckas dom där små smsen komma när jag som mest behöver dom. Hade till och med stängt av telefonen för att hindra mig själv att sluta läsa sms om och om igen.... Patetiskt.

Lisa BIATCH is here on Thursday though ( sorry for not writing the previous posts in english, but google translate is rather useful Lisa xxx)  I am so looking forward, gonna be fun times!
xxxx

När livet gör en kovändning!

Nu var det ett tag sedan det skrevs något här sist och mycket har hänt kan jag lova. Jag har kännt mig jätte deprimerad över att åka tillbaka till Sverige efter jul och har gråtit konstant i två dagar. Tack och lov har jag världens underbaraste kompisar som stöttar och tröstar. 

Jag vaknade upp igår morse efter att ha pratat med Lisa, en svensk tjej som pluggar vid Westminster University, och tänkte att jag vill också göra det här. Så jag har pratat med med henne om kostnader, studielån, boende, csn osv och det visar sig nu att det itne är så omöjligt som jag trodde. £9000 kostar det om året, vilket är riktigt mycket pengar. men med lån och besparingar så går det. Om man tänker i framtiden är det faktiskt mer meriterande att ha ett Universitet i London på sitt CV än ett Svenskt, eller det kanske bara är jag som tänker så. However, jag mailade i allafall till SGUL- St George's University London idag och frågade lite om behörighet och betyg osv eftersom vi inte läste biologi på Sam utan Naturkunskap A och B. Just det, kanske ska säga att jag vill plugga till sjukgymnast.

Så om Jag har betygen för det, så ska jag iallafall skicka in en ansökan, det skadar ju inte.

Nu kommer oron dock. Eftersom det är så mycket pengar som står på spel så måste jag ju verkligen vara säker på att det är det här jag vill, annars känns det ju lite som att kasta pengarna i sjön. Jag har till 15 January på mig att ansöka.  

En annan sak som slog mig var hur ensamt det helt plötsligt kändes när en av ens närmsta vänner åker ut på turné med Example och skall vara borta i 25 hela dagar.  Det blir nog ingen pub på vardagarna innan Jul iallafall. Men det är just att förut pratade vi med varandra 24/7 och idag ingenting alls. Känns konstigt, men det är väl bara att gilla läget haha

 Nä, nu skall jag titta på I'm a Celebrity, Get me outta here!

Natti Natti xxxx

Twin for the win!

This weekend has been really hectic in many ways.
Friday I was babysitting in Fernhurst and was supposed to finish at 11 the very latest so I could join the rest of the group in Guildford. The family came home 00.15.... I was well annoyed but went to pick up Maddie straight away and headed towards Guildford. FNG- Friday Night Guildford is always something special.

Saturday I went out for a coffee with Sophia, Inka and Kajsa and I got this christmasy feeling. I had a cream and praline latte, we sat outside and it was just getting dark. All  the christmas decorations, and the smell of Haslemere in the evening gave me goosebumps and made me start thinking of christmas.
After the coffee Sophia and I headed back to mine to get ready for "Twin for the Win"- Kajsa and Craigs bitrhday party. The theme was Twins of course.

What a night it was then. I am not sure if I ever want to drink Malibu and coke, ever again!  Fireworks, People throwing up and ruining the party, loads of great outfits etc.

Jilly started betting with people about something I was involved in. I'm not gonna tell what the bet was about but she lost because I for once had really good self control ;)
Do I have to say I was still drunk when I woke up this morning?

Today, Sunday we all went for a Curry buffet, it's standard the day after something like this. This evening was spent with Maddie. We talked to Lottie and her friend for absolutely AGES. Rather entertaining I must say.

Home and safe now, I am so klooking forward til tuesday when Kajsa, Craig and I are going to see football. Sweden-England on Wembely. (George can unfortunatley not make it :( )

Me and my Twinne <3



Night Night xxxx

My ribs hurt like a Mo%#er F!"¤%¤

Ok basically, I woke up at 3 this morning and coughed like there was no tomorrow. I got back to bed after 30mins and managed to get back to sleep. I then woke up at 7 from Sara standing in my room. She asked me how I was, apparently I had been shouting her name in my sleep so she came in to check up on me but I was fast asleep.

She then said she will do the kids this morning so I could go back to bed. I woke up at 10.19 watched The Jeremy Kyle show, always makes me feel better and then Tom came round with some chocolates. He's a star!!

I'm back in bed now, planning an early night, I just want my ribs to get better. I cant walk in stairs, laugh, bend down, not even mentioning coughing without the bloody ribs hurting like crazy.

I will update you all tomorrow! xxxx

Cotton head

It feels like my head is filled with cotton. Every cm of my head aches and is really sore.  I have now diagnosed myself with sinusitis. I've already used 1 paper roll for blowing my nose.   I'm coughing up so much mucus I can't breathe and have now thrown up. ( sorry for sharing)

It's an early night for me tonight. I'm just going to watch Two and a half men and then I'm off to bed!



Night Night xx

Enough is enough

I am sick and tired of being dicked around by different guys. I've had enough now.

It is a game for you all isn't it. Just leading me on.


I am more than happy to be friends with you all but please stop pretending that there could be something else because it cannot, and you know that. 


You only want to have me as a friend but yet you don't like it when I speak to other guys at the pub or when we're out in public. Grow a pair!

Bonfire!

5th of november is a day forever imprinted in my mind for many reasons. This was probably my last bonfire night in England ever. The thought of it makes me sad. 

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

These lyrics are stuck in my head. It started off with me and Tom driving to Bordon and I got the melody stuck it my head, incredibly random. I asked what song it was and I've now been singing the chorus since 3 this afternoon. It ended up with Michelle, Maddie, Craig, Tom and I walking home from the pub singin it loud on the street. It was like a really bad virus just spreading haha. 

Oh well, you could have worse things stuck in your head or sat on you face....

Night night peeps! xx

Blinded

It seems like everyone else but you and I can see it. Even Maddie who met us together for the first time yesterday saw it. The old men outside the pub assumed the same thing. So do everyone else.  

Why is it so obvious to everyone else but us? What is it they see that we don't? 

The questions are many, the answers are few, all I know is that this is the beginning of something new. 

This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end, this is the end of the beginning!

I guess time will tell even though there is not much time left. Not in England at least.

I'm in one of these foul over analyzing  moods again. 

I  know you are feeling the same. It's just about the first step!

Love,

Jo xxxx

YES YES AND BOOM FUCKING YES!!!

Got an A on my latest UNI task.
I am really proud over the fact that I have managed to get such high grade on the course considering it it in really formal English and we are using studying material from Cambridge university.

If only my old English teachers from college could see my now, that bitch hated me. Nothing I did was ever good enough and you could clearly tell whom were her favourites.... Or my old Swedish teacher from Fårösundsskolan who said I could not get any higher grade than a C in Swedish because my self-confidence was too low.  That's a really good way of ruining someone's self-confidence totally!

No enough about old, shitty teachers!

I feel like celebrating so will probably go for a mid-day beer. YES BABY!

xxxx

hopelessness

Here I am again, don't know where to go or what to do.
All the bills seem to arrive at the same time and because I'm a dick and forgot to turn the data roaming off on my Swedish phone when i got back to England after the summer it now cost me £130 instead of £30...

Also my mum keeps sending me emails about how she is gonna sell the house, the only place where I feel like home home. Because it's such hard work looking after everything on her own when she is working as much as she does. maybe it is selfish of me to feel this way but if, when more likely, she sells it where am I then supposed to go when I'm coming "home"? some shitty flat in Visby or dad's, don't think so!!
The house in Rute is MY house, where I'm brought up and it is there I have all my childhood memories. Why is she going on and on about it. I don't want to hear about it. Clearly she doesn't get the hint when I am pretending not to see it and ignores to answer it in the emails, when I really am crying and dying a little bit inside.
It's in Rute I met Jeannie. It is home.

So all these dark clouds just gathering up above me. My mood is not on top right now, I'm feeling grumpy and the tears are not far away.

Maybe it is just me being conservative, maybe I have to move on, find myself somewhere else to live, my own place.
yes, I am premenstrual, that is probably why i am having a little "cry me a river"-moment.

That was all for now, gonna drench my sorrows in chocolate and tea.
"Where there is tea, there is hope". This is what England has done to me!

My lovely, lovely home.

xxxx

Home is wherever I'm with you!

I don't know if you know. But your whole appearance makes me happy!

xxxx

Busy Busy!

Jeannie is here now it's great!!
I can start writing about when I picked her up from the airport on thursday evening;
Basically I left at 6.30 in case the traffic was bad. I stood still on the M25 for 55 mins. A car had crashed and was on its roof and it was just chaos. When I finally got there Jeannie was already waiting for me and on our way back the junction towards Guildford just disappeared so we ended up in Bastingstoke 1 hour the wrong way.... Not the first time I've done that when driving back from the airport...
Friday; woke up at 4 drove my Host mum to the airport and got bak at 7. Slept 10 mins and then up to get the kids away to school. Went for a coffe at costasand then Standard fridaty night in spoons.
Saturday; chillaxing coffee with Inka, Sophia, Kajsa and Jeannie, then back to mine to sort things out for Max's house party.
Ed and Soph came round later for a proper swedish meal; Meatballs, Mash and asparagus. then off to the party. What a night it was.... hehehe
Sunday; just chillin' at home then to the pub.. not gonna lie, i got pissed at 2pm. Well embarrassing and then film evening with Tom, Nick, Tessa and Jeannie, we watched Speed and Dirty Dancing.
 Today I've been in Guildford with Tom and Jeannie. Did a bit of shopping ans had pasties ( My first ever!!)

Tonight Jeannie and I are going to watch Black Swan. We might wanna start now before it's dark outside!!
Tomorrow are Tom, Jeannie and I going to hit Portsmouth!

Tom and I on the walk home from Max's party (we got a lift half way but neither Tom nor Jeanine was in a state to walk home, so i basically had to drag/carry/push  them home)

Sophia, Craig and I at Max's. (In the background is the beerpong.. I beat tom haha

C YA LATERSSS xxx

Dilemma!

Det finns ett dilemma som drabbar 99% av alla au pairer- Vikt ökning. Personligen gick jag upp 13 kg från Augusti 2010- April 2011. Det är inte det att jag inte har sportat eller rört på mig för jag har vart på gym 3ggr i veckan i snitt och nu är jag ute och springer istället.
Jag har min egna teori om varför; Det är alkoholen.  Pubkulturen här är så annorlunda gentemot hemma i Sverige.

Jag har försökt att flera gånger att gå ner dom där envisa kilona utan att lyckas särskilt bra. Men nu när jag ställde mig på vågen så har det äntligen hänt något! - 5 kg bara den senaste månaden. Jag har jobbat som ett djur, och rört på mig. Det känns så skönt. Känslan av att komma i kläderna jag hade med mig hit till England igen är obeskrivlig.

Nu är det bara att hålla i det.

Barnen kommer hem snart, så jag skall ta och fixa iordning här hemma lite.

Puss

Murderer on the lose!

It's is all over the news here.
A woman in her early thirties was murdered up Blackdown on sunday 11pm. I was up there sunday 1pm and there is where I normally go running alone. I wont do that for a while now even though the chances of getting murdered there now is insignificant. But better safe then sorry they say.

Now it's only 2 days until Jeannie is coming here, I can't wait.

Kajsa, George, Craig and I also booked tickets for the Sweden-England football match on 15th of November. I've said since I came to England that i want to see a football match in England, so this is kind of like a dream coming true.

Now I better log off Fb and all other sites I'm on  and start doing my uni tasks!

Bye xxxx

NO!

No Josefin!!! 

Don't do this to yourself. You know you've got a very addictive personality. Stop now when you got it under control!

Man up Jo!!

Ok, basically today was a bad day... BUT I went out for a kick ass run in the evening and then went to see Tom in the pub later on. I cried... was being really pathetic and felt sorry for myself. Tom didn't, he told me to man up and get some balls.
I kinda did as time went by, maned up I mean not the balls part and got quite pissed. Only had 2 pints but I hadn't eaten anything since before my run. Oh well.. Then we had a really interesting convo about bra's. I won the discussion of course. My argument; If you are a size 32D it's almost thesame as being a 34 C because the cup sizes vary depending on the width. Not according to Tom, but I proved him wrong in the en. WINNING.

Sara was awake last night when I stumbled in 23ish. This is the first time she sees me pissed and it was a monday.... ops. She just laughed and got her camera out and started filming me, standard haha.

Today I've done absolutely nothing, I have to sort the washing out soon though, and start cooking.

When Sara comes home Im going out for a run and then pub.

Jag är glad att vi har rett ut saker och att vi förstår varandra. Jag är glad att du skickade det där mailet till mig. Jag var helt enkelt inte redo att göra det för att det gjorde så ont att ens tänka på det. Du är överst på min telefonlista idag igen. Nu är det bara 9dagar kvar, sen är vi hela igen! 

Mucho Love XXXX

Slutet är nära.

Jag vet inte vd som har hänt. Hur skulle jag kunna vara ärlig mot min bästa kompis när jag inte ens kan varaärlig mot mig själv?

Hur kunde det bli så tokigt över en natt?

Vi har pratat om det här förut; "au pair-sjukan". När en au pair, ska lämna och det bara är några få veckor kvar så blir dom konstiga och stöter sina vänner ifrån sig. Jag har blivit den au pairen nu.  Ingenting är roligt, inte puben, inte bara hänga, intenting. Jag som hade lovat mig själv att inte bli sån. Att inte bara se svart. 

När inte ens mina närmaste vänner kan muntra upp mig vad kan jag då göra  förutom att bara ge efter, stänga in mig på mitt rum och vänta på att få åka hem? 

Slutet känns speciellt nära nu när jag har blivit ersatt. Känner mig riktigt självisk, men det hade vart bättre om det inte hade vart någon jag vet vem det är. Jag vill inte dela mina kompisar, familj och erfarenheter till någon som jag har gemensamma kompisar med.  Hur barnsligt det än låter så är det så jag känner mig just nu. Riktigt barnsligt omogen. Som om jag vore 5 år igen.

Vad hände med oss? Riktigt bra kompisar? Eller var det bara en illusion från min sida, inbillning? Hur kan ett par dagar i från varandra påverka en kompisrelation så mycket? Eller är det au pair sjukan som spökar, det kanske är jag som tror att det är annorlunda, tycker att du beter dig annorlunda osv?

Det finns så många frågor utan ett svar. 

Och varför, varför öser jag ur mig allt det här i bloggen? Jo, för att jag är lat och inte orkar skriva i min dagbok. Där skriver jag bara det viktigaste och mest privata. 

Nu måste jag sluta upp med den här självömkan och muntra upp mig lite.

Kan du inte bara komma hit nu? Det är du som känner mig bäst och vet ALLT om mig, även min mörkaste hemlighet <3 

how very mature I am!

The dog does not listen to me... I just gave him the finger and called him a cunt. I'm so mature!
Yesterday evening was good. Sara came home and decided to take us all out for a meal. We went to ASK Italian, then I went to the pub with Tom.
When I got to the bar, the barman immediately said ; "Stowford press?"
You know you go there way too often if the barman knows what you are drinking even before you have asked for it but I like it.

I had a little skypedate with Lisa, or well we spoke to each other for a bit more than an hour. I so miss that slutbag!!

Time to go back to the au pair duties. Cleaning the bathroom, hang washing, tidy and hoover downstairs.

Lisa ana I in Brighton July 2011

Bye xx

Long time no see

Ja, nu var det någon dag sedan jag skrev sist.  Det är inte så mycket som har hänt..
Helgen som var spenderade  jag i goda vänners sällskap; >Lördag  shopping in guildford with Inka, Sunday  picknick with Ed and Sophia. We went to tescos to buy foods and drinks and Soph and I ended up buying 1l of Malibu Island Punch. It was like a bag in box, but with out the box. When Ed left after a while we had a little heart to heart. This girl has the ability of making me laugh whilst crying hysterically and I only know one other person who possesses ( many s's) that ability, of making me feel so happy. I can really be myself around them. They aren't judging, just  laughing at my stupidity, they take me for who I am.

This morning I got up and had a massive argument with Freddie. He tried to convince me he was to ill to go to school.NO WAY MISTER! he was fine, just exaggerating. I can buy he had a sore throat, but he was definitely dying as he tried to convince me. He just wanted to have  a day off school.

I've done 2/3s of my uni task, it all went good until i started watching Time Out and The Jeremy Kyle show... I'm gonna write it before the kids get back from school.

Now it's just 16 days until Jeannie arrives, I couldn't be more excited!!

The weather the last 2 weeks has been amazing, at least 23 degrees warm a day, lush.

LOVE xx

with the fever as my only company

Didnt go to pub after all. im home alone with an episode from the 17th season of americas next top model. After I watched it im gonna pop down to Co-op to buy crisps and coke, and just feel sorry for myself.
im feeling so exhausted i cant even be bothered to write out commas and capital letters

hopefully im eeling better tomorrow
night night xxx

Baby sick

Even tho I've got a bit of a cough I went to Fernhurst today, to help Natacha with the baking.

I can't recommend baking when it's 30 degrees warm outside. When Natacha was gonna show me something I held Charlie, the 2 weeks old baby. The first thing is does is to throw up on me.. sweet baby sick!  He was the tiniest, cutest baby ever.

I wonder where this lovely weather came from, it's been shit the whole "summer". It was warm in april/may and this week it has been between 22-30 degrees,  and the weekend is no exception.

I think I'm popping down to the pub a bit later, need to get out of the house!!

Bye xx

Coughing

Hello!

I'm feeling really poorly at the moment. Slept 2 hours last night because I started coughing, and thats basically what I've done since...

It's perfect timing as always..

Tallulah was a real pain this morning. I Woke up before my alarm went off from Talulah shouting "dickhead" to Freddie. It went downhill from there. She got really cross with me when I told her not to cut a bagel on the stool, and she started hyperventilating and said I was the worst au pair ever+ I could go back to Sweden.

I'm off soon to babysit Emilia, worlds sweetest 1.5 years old baby.

Bye, xx 

Tillbaka på ruta 1

Nu känner jag mig lite lagom blödig och ensam igen. Nu har Tom åkt iväg på turné och jag är hemma själv. Om jag måste se något positivt i det hela så är det väl att jag sparar pengar istället för att gå till puben varje dag.

22 dagar kvar tills Jeannie kommer också. Jag kunde nog inte ha längtat mer. Frågan är om jag längtar mest efter kaviarn hon tar med sig ;)

Nej, nu får jag ta tag i sakerna som skall göras här hemma.
Jag ska åka till återvinningsstationen  med all cardboard, dammsuga, hänga tvätt och sen måste jag tanka bilen inför ikväll när jag skall skjutsa på barnen.
Mental note; måste fråga Sara om bensin pengar!!!!

Jaman.... då var det väl allt för den här gången.

Puss

BOOM THING!

Just got my feedback on Warm-up task 1 and i got 4/5 points Which is a MVG or an A. Im well happy!!
Now it's just to keep it up and continue doing well. I'm extra happy because the course is in English, not my mother-tongue!

YEEEEE BLUD, Let's celebrate it and go to the pub! :D

LOADS OF LOVE,
Jo xxxx

Miss sleepyhead!

I have slept the whole day today. Literally. Woke up when I had to wake the kids up and get them ready for school and then I went straight to bed. Woke up for a quick skypedate with Lisa and a phone date with Sophia.

The kids are at home now and I'm trying to tidy up but it seems to be mission impossible because the minute I put something away, something new is on the floor.

I really want to get a tattoo on my foot. Just a small one you can hide with shoes or socks. I'm thinking a lyric or 3 small birds flying away. Haven't decided yet and I'm still waiting for mums approval (she'll probably make me disinherited or give me permission to get a heart in which it says "mum" or something)

Oh, well. I'm babysitting tonight, tomorrow during the day, maybe tomorrow night and thursday during the night.Weehey, at least it's some extra gash!

Bye xxx

p.s. I think I'm getting the cold again... :s

What a night that was

Ok so....I saw I updated my blog last night. Rule no.1. NEVER update blogs, send texts, make phone calls or use facebook when consuming alcohol.

Ed, Sophia and I shared a bed. I woke up and realized Sophia was gone. The first thing that hit me was; OMG I'm alone in the same bed as my best friends BF. This is so wrong!
Thank god we all are such good friends!

I'm not gonna lie, had a bit too much to drink last night and the neighbours came to the gate and complained about us being too noisy= success!

Everything is tidy, and there is no evidence what so ever that it was party here last night.
I'm about to eat some more crumpets, drink coke and watch some online TV.

Tom is also back in town today. We are having a standard pub sesh tonight. Alcohol consumption this weekend- Massive intake, but you only live once.

 I was gonna find the "gröt ris" for Kajsa        Photo; Kajsa.

Bye! xx

Not in the right mind state

Basically, I just got to bed. I'm donnot looking forward to wake wake up tOmorrow. The head ache Is gonna be a fact!








You are so not worth it. Yes you are. No your not. Yes you are. Fuck!!
I can't do this to myself. it's just not worth it. It's just not worth ut!
" Is there any just cause for feeling like this?
On the surface I'm a name on a list
I try to be discreet, but then blow it again
I've lost and found, it's my final mistake
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take
'cos I've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times.

I just died in your arms tonight, it must have been some kind of kiss, i should've walked away"

YEEEEE BLUD!

Sara's out sailing this weekend and David took the kids to London soooo.. I'm home alone.
Talked to Sara yesterday;
me; Uhhmmm is it alright if i have a lil' gathering here AKA A MASSIVE FOKIN HOUSEPARTY on saturday?
Sara; YE sure, but if anyone sleeps in my bed just make sure to change the cheats.

 And this morning I found a little note on the kitchen counter;
 " Take it easy tonight and be safe!;)"

I seriously don't know any other host mums who let their au pairs have house parties. I love her!

 So tonight we go all in. au pair style; TEQUILA 'COS BEER ISN'T FAST ENOUGH!!"

Bye xxx

After 5months....

I've waited 5 months for a new bed. The one i have now is Tallulahs old one, too short and too narrow. My double bed I had when we lived in Grayswood didn't fit in my new room...
The delivery men came with the bed around 10.. and it was bloody perfect timing as usual. Just got out of the shower.

It feels so weird not going to the pub everyday. Yesterday I was babysitting and today I'm just gonna stay at home because my pub friend is away on tour. he is working at some music festival.

I'm also obsessed with Charlie Simpsons "I just died in your arms". I'm so buying his next album if he put this song on it!

Kom hit till mig nu!


XX

Ironing

Babysat for a family with a 1.5 years old baby. She is the cutest baby ever. Makes me wanna have a baby . No that will have to wait many years. I think being an au pair is the best contraception ever and the best bit is that when you get tired of them you can always give them back to their parents haha

Totally lost it now, I was gonna write about when I was babysitting earlier. I put Emilia to bed and then started ironing. Some families just go bonkers with what to iron. Who irons baby sunhats, knicker to put over nappies, and socks?!?!?!

Ironing clothes is... well a waste of time if you ask me!

I said goodbye to Laura earlier. Can't believe that she is leaving me again. All my love to her.

Now I'm off to cook some fishfingers (which is by far the best food ever) for the kids.

 Ta mig tillbaka till sommaren som var <3
Bye xx

Dull...

I think this blog has gotten very dull and boring... No pictures, nothing. Just loads of uninteresting shit!
So how about going out tonight and get shitfaced?! Sounds like a plan to me!!

xxx