hopelessness

Here I am again, don't know where to go or what to do.
All the bills seem to arrive at the same time and because I'm a dick and forgot to turn the data roaming off on my Swedish phone when i got back to England after the summer it now cost me £130 instead of £30...

Also my mum keeps sending me emails about how she is gonna sell the house, the only place where I feel like home home. Because it's such hard work looking after everything on her own when she is working as much as she does. maybe it is selfish of me to feel this way but if, when more likely, she sells it where am I then supposed to go when I'm coming "home"? some shitty flat in Visby or dad's, don't think so!!
The house in Rute is MY house, where I'm brought up and it is there I have all my childhood memories. Why is she going on and on about it. I don't want to hear about it. Clearly she doesn't get the hint when I am pretending not to see it and ignores to answer it in the emails, when I really am crying and dying a little bit inside.
It's in Rute I met Jeannie. It is home.

So all these dark clouds just gathering up above me. My mood is not on top right now, I'm feeling grumpy and the tears are not far away.

Maybe it is just me being conservative, maybe I have to move on, find myself somewhere else to live, my own place.
yes, I am premenstrual, that is probably why i am having a little "cry me a river"-moment.

That was all for now, gonna drench my sorrows in chocolate and tea.
"Where there is tea, there is hope". This is what England has done to me!

My lovely, lovely home.

xxxx

Home is wherever I'm with you!

I don't know if you know. But your whole appearance makes me happy!

xxxx

Busy Busy!

Jeannie is here now it's great!!
I can start writing about when I picked her up from the airport on thursday evening;
Basically I left at 6.30 in case the traffic was bad. I stood still on the M25 for 55 mins. A car had crashed and was on its roof and it was just chaos. When I finally got there Jeannie was already waiting for me and on our way back the junction towards Guildford just disappeared so we ended up in Bastingstoke 1 hour the wrong way.... Not the first time I've done that when driving back from the airport...
Friday; woke up at 4 drove my Host mum to the airport and got bak at 7. Slept 10 mins and then up to get the kids away to school. Went for a coffe at costasand then Standard fridaty night in spoons.
Saturday; chillaxing coffee with Inka, Sophia, Kajsa and Jeannie, then back to mine to sort things out for Max's house party.
Ed and Soph came round later for a proper swedish meal; Meatballs, Mash and asparagus. then off to the party. What a night it was.... hehehe
Sunday; just chillin' at home then to the pub.. not gonna lie, i got pissed at 2pm. Well embarrassing and then film evening with Tom, Nick, Tessa and Jeannie, we watched Speed and Dirty Dancing.
 Today I've been in Guildford with Tom and Jeannie. Did a bit of shopping ans had pasties ( My first ever!!)

Tonight Jeannie and I are going to watch Black Swan. We might wanna start now before it's dark outside!!
Tomorrow are Tom, Jeannie and I going to hit Portsmouth!

Tom and I on the walk home from Max's party (we got a lift half way but neither Tom nor Jeanine was in a state to walk home, so i basically had to drag/carry/push  them home)

Sophia, Craig and I at Max's. (In the background is the beerpong.. I beat tom haha

C YA LATERSSS xxx

Dilemma!

Det finns ett dilemma som drabbar 99% av alla au pairer- Vikt ökning. Personligen gick jag upp 13 kg från Augusti 2010- April 2011. Det är inte det att jag inte har sportat eller rört på mig för jag har vart på gym 3ggr i veckan i snitt och nu är jag ute och springer istället.
Jag har min egna teori om varför; Det är alkoholen.  Pubkulturen här är så annorlunda gentemot hemma i Sverige.

Jag har försökt att flera gånger att gå ner dom där envisa kilona utan att lyckas särskilt bra. Men nu när jag ställde mig på vågen så har det äntligen hänt något! - 5 kg bara den senaste månaden. Jag har jobbat som ett djur, och rört på mig. Det känns så skönt. Känslan av att komma i kläderna jag hade med mig hit till England igen är obeskrivlig.

Nu är det bara att hålla i det.

Barnen kommer hem snart, så jag skall ta och fixa iordning här hemma lite.

Puss

Murderer on the lose!

It's is all over the news here.
A woman in her early thirties was murdered up Blackdown on sunday 11pm. I was up there sunday 1pm and there is where I normally go running alone. I wont do that for a while now even though the chances of getting murdered there now is insignificant. But better safe then sorry they say.

Now it's only 2 days until Jeannie is coming here, I can't wait.

Kajsa, George, Craig and I also booked tickets for the Sweden-England football match on 15th of November. I've said since I came to England that i want to see a football match in England, so this is kind of like a dream coming true.

Now I better log off Fb and all other sites I'm on  and start doing my uni tasks!

Bye xxxx

NO!

No Josefin!!! 

Don't do this to yourself. You know you've got a very addictive personality. Stop now when you got it under control!

Man up Jo!!

Ok, basically today was a bad day... BUT I went out for a kick ass run in the evening and then went to see Tom in the pub later on. I cried... was being really pathetic and felt sorry for myself. Tom didn't, he told me to man up and get some balls.
I kinda did as time went by, maned up I mean not the balls part and got quite pissed. Only had 2 pints but I hadn't eaten anything since before my run. Oh well.. Then we had a really interesting convo about bra's. I won the discussion of course. My argument; If you are a size 32D it's almost thesame as being a 34 C because the cup sizes vary depending on the width. Not according to Tom, but I proved him wrong in the en. WINNING.

Sara was awake last night when I stumbled in 23ish. This is the first time she sees me pissed and it was a monday.... ops. She just laughed and got her camera out and started filming me, standard haha.

Today I've done absolutely nothing, I have to sort the washing out soon though, and start cooking.

When Sara comes home Im going out for a run and then pub.

Jag är glad att vi har rett ut saker och att vi förstår varandra. Jag är glad att du skickade det där mailet till mig. Jag var helt enkelt inte redo att göra det för att det gjorde så ont att ens tänka på det. Du är överst på min telefonlista idag igen. Nu är det bara 9dagar kvar, sen är vi hela igen! 

Mucho Love XXXX

Slutet är nära.

Jag vet inte vd som har hänt. Hur skulle jag kunna vara ärlig mot min bästa kompis när jag inte ens kan varaärlig mot mig själv?

Hur kunde det bli så tokigt över en natt?

Vi har pratat om det här förut; "au pair-sjukan". När en au pair, ska lämna och det bara är några få veckor kvar så blir dom konstiga och stöter sina vänner ifrån sig. Jag har blivit den au pairen nu.  Ingenting är roligt, inte puben, inte bara hänga, intenting. Jag som hade lovat mig själv att inte bli sån. Att inte bara se svart. 

När inte ens mina närmaste vänner kan muntra upp mig vad kan jag då göra  förutom att bara ge efter, stänga in mig på mitt rum och vänta på att få åka hem? 

Slutet känns speciellt nära nu när jag har blivit ersatt. Känner mig riktigt självisk, men det hade vart bättre om det inte hade vart någon jag vet vem det är. Jag vill inte dela mina kompisar, familj och erfarenheter till någon som jag har gemensamma kompisar med.  Hur barnsligt det än låter så är det så jag känner mig just nu. Riktigt barnsligt omogen. Som om jag vore 5 år igen.

Vad hände med oss? Riktigt bra kompisar? Eller var det bara en illusion från min sida, inbillning? Hur kan ett par dagar i från varandra påverka en kompisrelation så mycket? Eller är det au pair sjukan som spökar, det kanske är jag som tror att det är annorlunda, tycker att du beter dig annorlunda osv?

Det finns så många frågor utan ett svar. 

Och varför, varför öser jag ur mig allt det här i bloggen? Jo, för att jag är lat och inte orkar skriva i min dagbok. Där skriver jag bara det viktigaste och mest privata. 

Nu måste jag sluta upp med den här självömkan och muntra upp mig lite.

Kan du inte bara komma hit nu? Det är du som känner mig bäst och vet ALLT om mig, även min mörkaste hemlighet <3 

how very mature I am!

The dog does not listen to me... I just gave him the finger and called him a cunt. I'm so mature!
Yesterday evening was good. Sara came home and decided to take us all out for a meal. We went to ASK Italian, then I went to the pub with Tom.
When I got to the bar, the barman immediately said ; "Stowford press?"
You know you go there way too often if the barman knows what you are drinking even before you have asked for it but I like it.

I had a little skypedate with Lisa, or well we spoke to each other for a bit more than an hour. I so miss that slutbag!!

Time to go back to the au pair duties. Cleaning the bathroom, hang washing, tidy and hoover downstairs.

Lisa ana I in Brighton July 2011

Bye xx

Long time no see

Ja, nu var det någon dag sedan jag skrev sist.  Det är inte så mycket som har hänt..
Helgen som var spenderade  jag i goda vänners sällskap; >Lördag  shopping in guildford with Inka, Sunday  picknick with Ed and Sophia. We went to tescos to buy foods and drinks and Soph and I ended up buying 1l of Malibu Island Punch. It was like a bag in box, but with out the box. When Ed left after a while we had a little heart to heart. This girl has the ability of making me laugh whilst crying hysterically and I only know one other person who possesses ( many s's) that ability, of making me feel so happy. I can really be myself around them. They aren't judging, just  laughing at my stupidity, they take me for who I am.

This morning I got up and had a massive argument with Freddie. He tried to convince me he was to ill to go to school.NO WAY MISTER! he was fine, just exaggerating. I can buy he had a sore throat, but he was definitely dying as he tried to convince me. He just wanted to have  a day off school.

I've done 2/3s of my uni task, it all went good until i started watching Time Out and The Jeremy Kyle show... I'm gonna write it before the kids get back from school.

Now it's just 16 days until Jeannie arrives, I couldn't be more excited!!

The weather the last 2 weeks has been amazing, at least 23 degrees warm a day, lush.

LOVE xx